You might remember me from Life Swap. I mean Wife Swap. I finally won a beauty pageant. And it only cost my mom 15 grand. But they threw in some hairspray and a ribbon.
My psychiatrist, Dr. Dumb You Down, had me on seven prescriptions. Then he stopped showing up for appointments. He left my prescriptions in an envelope.
Now I need seven more prescriptions, because he gave me a complex. I obsess that I might be annoying. You think?
My dad is on vacation. Well, he considers prison a vacation from my mother and I.
We needed help paying the mortgage. Since I had a B.A. in beauty pageants, my mom found me a great job. High-class stripper.
Mom totally helped me. She drove me to the strip palace. She even put my seven types of pills in zip-lock bags so I wouldn’t mix up the focus pills with the sleeping pills.
The great thing about stand-up comedy is that I get to keep my clothes on.
My mother couldn’t afford to pay my father’s attorney so she set me up with him instead. A 54-year-old charmer. He treated me to a forged license so that we could get drunk together.
For a nightcap, he took me to the rest stop off of Thruway 51 so that we could pass out together.
At least Guastaferro was willing to help out her parents pay the bills as opposed to another 21-year old reality TV personality who also recently appeared on Dr. Phil. Teen Mom’s Farrah Abraham mistakes her parents for servants and mistook a porn star for a Boy Scout.
Charisma Guastaferro does have – so now that Dr. Phil has provided her with a doctor who will sort out her prescriptions and “titrate” her off of the unnecessary ones, why not give us a chance to laugh with her while she hosts Saturday Night Live.